The night I finally realized she had fallen out of love with me, I went outside and lay down in our vegetable garden. We were so close to winter then; the tomato plants only an afterthought of green. The remains of watermelon vine scraped at my arms, prickled as they were from the cold and from the humiliation I felt from having realized something vitally important, months too late to do anything about it. I touched my lips, tongue to the mineral earth. Remembered the chemical fertilizer we had scattered over this plot like children throwing impatient handfuls of breadcrumbs at pigeons, just six or seven quick months before. We were still laughing then. She would grab the hose and spray my sunburned back, right between the shoulder blades, every time I turned towards the garden and away from her. “Training,” she would say, curling her adorable mouth beneath sunglasses that hid half of her face, “you should know better than to ever take your eyes off me.” The sting from the sharp water blast should have been a warning. All those Saturdays when I happily picked our dinner alone should have been a warning. The day she wouldn’t eat the cucumbers. I should have noticed then; she had always loved baby cucumbers soaked in vinegar and salt. But then, we had plans. I could always shake her out of her slumps by reminding her of all the trips we would be taking soon. To Okinawa in the spring, where I would rattle Japanese Cherry limbs until blossoms snowed down on her hair. To the Grand Canyon, so we would know how it feels to be small again. There were a million places we were going to see, thousands of tastes waiting for us like a paintbox of flavors. She would get so excited. Making plans and itineraries and researching Italian history and learning conversational Portuguese. So cute that I never bothered to remind her I was agoraphobic. But, eventually she would remember on her own, slumping her shoulders again, covering her eyes with big-brimmed hats, books she tried reading, eventually just using the span of her fingers to avoid meeting my eyes. I had said to her earlier that day, “Soon, so soon, we’re gonna take a trip to the moon. You and me, and our garden makes three…” She hadn’t laughed. In the darkness, I reached up and rubbed my hands over the dry dirt beard I had given myself, muddy at the tip of my nose and the corners of my mouth. Remembered the chemical fertilizer, and spit. I looked as far down the country road as I could see from my seated place there in our dead garden. Wondered who would help me eat the pyramids of canned squash, okra, in the pantry.
mp3: Alex Clare – Caroline
I don’t have the words for how much I love you, Alex Clare. Over and over, your songs enter me, get me excited about music again. Consider me crushed.
posted by rikki.
Seamstress For the Band is a funny sort of blog. We decided to combine little pieces of prose (by us) with a song (not by us.) We don't write about music. We write along side it.
We choose songs we love, without preferential treatment to what is new/popular/unheard of/faster/slower/happier/sadder. We do our best to keep a good blend: something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and then we offer it to you like a proposal, a bouquet of lemon jonquils, a tiny gold band, a partnership between words and music.
All MP3s are offered as samples for a period of 1-2 weeks. Please support artists by purchasing albums legally.
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Who we are:
Fluffy Cloud of GeniusSallie Ford and the Sound Outside1 Danielle Doyle1 Lower Dens1 My Bubba & Mi1 Jesse Woods1 Reptar1 Porter Wagner1 m. ward1 Chrysta Bell1 saint motel1 The Old Believers1 Stornoway1 Cowboy Junkies1 Coeur de Pirate1 The xx1 Damion Suomi & The Minor Prophets1 Marissa Nadler1 Grouper1 Janelle Monae1 Madeline1 Vermillion Club1 Jens Lekman1 MNDR1 Hugh Laurie1 Handsome Boy Modeling School1 Lia Ices1 A Fight to the Death1 explosions in the sky1 Frightened Rabbit1 The Tallest Man on Earth2 The Weeknd1 Steve Martin & Bernadette Peters1 The Mynabirds1 Bombay Bicycle Club1 CocoRosie1 Led Zepplin1 Ben Trickey1 Abbey Lincoln1 The Books1 Holly Golightly1 koko taylor1 The Civil Wars1 Jeans Wilder1 Beach House1 lissie2 Iron & Wine1 rikki98 Tori Amos1 Youth Lagoon1 Gardens & Villa1 Lightnin' Hopkins1 Antony & The Johnsons1 Dum Dum Girls1 Uncategorized227 Dolly Parton1 Jackie DeShannon1 This Mortal Coil1 Dutch1 Kishi Bashi1 Julia Stone1 The Black Keys1 Nick Waterhouse1 Loudon Wainwright III1 silver swans1 Angus & Julia Stone2 Florence + the Machine1 Camera Obscura1 House of Wolves1 Outrageous Cherry1 Toussaint McCall1 Yeasayer1 Passion Pit1 Cat Power1 Big Brother and the Holding Company1 phantogram1 Tune-Yards1 Maria Callas1 Mazzy Star2 Mount Moriah1 Sóley1 Bonnie "Prince" Billy1 Hosannas1 Vic Chestnutt1 Otis Redding1 Alex Clare1 The Morning Clouds1 Steel Train1 Rising Appalachia1 Dan Auerbach1 The Moondoggies1 The Drums1 Nina Simone1 Perfume Genius1 Jeff Buckley1 Horse Feathers2 Miles Davis1 Josh Ritter1 Neko Case2 Nick Cave1 Amen Dunes1